so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
