somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
