Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
