You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
