I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
