bring money and cleavage
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
