Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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