My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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