glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
