They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize