ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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