dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
