i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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