You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
