Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
