walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
