barbara walters just said penis...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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