My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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