So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
