Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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