mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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