Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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