Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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