I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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