My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
