hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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