My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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