I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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