Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
