there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
