no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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