just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
