If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
