And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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