R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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