Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
