Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
