Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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