speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
