He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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