I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Plan B is the new Plan A
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
