I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
