Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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