I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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