After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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