im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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