Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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