wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
