Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize