True but thats because hes a fetus.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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