I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
