so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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