I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
