this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
