The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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