Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

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  (804): I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities http://tfl.nu/vh2c
  Replies (16) Good night (3998) Bad night (587)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

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  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9906) Bad night (1554)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.

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  (207): I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat. http://tfl.nu/i3fj
  Replies (6) Good night (2481) Bad night (1491)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.

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  (709): She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up. http://tfl.nu/j6op
  Replies (8) Good night (3148) Bad night (1075)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS

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  (301): I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS http://tfl.nu/2dnv
  Replies (8) Good night (2823) Bad night (941)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother

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  (978): Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother http://tfl.nu/l2x9
  Replies (3) Good night (602) Bad night (1510)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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  (252): I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time. http://tfl.nu/viaw
  Replies (1) Good night (1195) Bad night (567)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Technically my penis started a fight tonight

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  (920): Technically my penis started a fight tonight http://tfl.nu/2ets
  Replies (14) Good night (1273) Bad night (439)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick

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  (781): I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick http://tfl.nu/smiy
  Replies (7) Good night (1802) Bad night (426)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?

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  (850): Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean? http://tfl.nu/rbfp
  Replies (5) Good night (796) Bad night (383)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?

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  (870): Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk? http://tfl.nu/4pki
  Replies (9) Good night (603) Bad night (1075)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other

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  (803): I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other http://tfl.nu/gz8l
  Replies (5) Good night (622) Bad night (272)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me

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  (630): i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me http://tfl.nu/f940
  Replies (1) Good night (633) Bad night (247)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?

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  (217): Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices? http://tfl.nu/ss4x
  Replies (0) Good night (640) Bad night (208)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us

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  (973): Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us http://tfl.nu/2son
  Replies (1) Good night (554) Bad night (188)

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