me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.