Dude i fell asleep inside of her
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.