Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
