At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
did i just pee glitter
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