I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
