I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
