Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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