Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
