Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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