she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i barfeds in our rink
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
