did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
