my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
