I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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