I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
