I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize