at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
