he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
