Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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