I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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