Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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