That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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