mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
