So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Randomize
