Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize