I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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