Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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