thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
