cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
