life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
