a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
